Waltz

I took a walk down to Georgetown today. The weather was so nice; I felt that the warm sunlight might lift my spirits from the loneliness that I was feeling in my cool, secluded apartment. These past few days had been hard emotionally, and for every moment that I had where I feel like I could be a bright and functional human being again, there would be another moment that woud pull me back into the dark recesses of my mind.

The walk to M Street was pleasant. There were plenty of people out and about, and I even walked by the dog park along the way, bustling with activity now that the rainy days had passed. A slight breeze blew across the Key Bridge, and the Georgetown rowing team was in full action practicing in the river below. At M Street, I picked up a pair of red chinos! I had been looking for a replacement for a pair that no longer fit me; an impromptu pop in to J Crew gleaned a final pair in my size on sale for 50% off. One impulse purchase later, and I had given my initially uplanned walk some unforeseen purpose.

The walk back felt sweltering. Even though physically I had made the journey, I felt like my brain had still remained behind in my apartment still thinking its circuitious, repetitive thoughts. Even on such a beautiful day, highligted even more so against the recent stormy weather we just had, I just wanted to be back at home and in my bed. Maybe the sunlight and the walk had helped me feel a little happier somehow, but in the end, the familiar feelings of sadness, uncertainty, and loss had claimed their comfortable spots in my head and drowned out any other signals.

Funnily enough, the one thing that did make me happy today was watching an episode of Queer Eye, where the crew teaches a group of firemen how to Waltz (and some other raunchy dance moves). It seems that sometimes, maybe the things that’ll make me happy are the ones that I don’t expect ~

– Bhavin